How to cultivate authentic connection by honoring yourself
People often talk about the benefit of boundaries, without mention to how hard it is to stand your ground when others disagree, are disappointed or get defensive when you do.
This blog post will explain some of the common reasons we all struggle with boundaries and provide tips for effectively loving yourself and others when in conflict. Thank you for reading!
Conflict 1: You want to avoid conflict
Best Self Boundary: Stay in Your Lane
It’s common to feel guilty when setting boundaries, especially if you’re used to people-pleasing. It’s important to remind yourself that you’re not responsible for other people’s feelings or reactions. In dealing with adults: prioritize being responsible for yourself and your own wellbeing. Trust that others can take care of themselves.
Conflict 2: You want to Make Everyone/Someone Happy
Best Self Boundary: Identify the benefits of your boundary.
Assertiveness is the ability to stand up for yourself in a respectful, clear and confident way. It involves being honest about your needs and wants while also respecting the rights of others. Beginning with the benefits of your boundary will help you communicate them in a way that is persuasive and clear.
Conflict 3: You don’t Have the Time or Energy to Meet a Request/Expectation
Best Self Boundary: Communicate Your Limits
The first step to setting boundaries is understanding your limits of time and energy. Accepting the real limits on your time and energy can help you prioritize what you are willing and able to do.
“I am focusing on a few specific priorities right now. I don’t have the time/energy/bandwidth to take on anything additional until other things are moved off my plate.”
Conflict 4: You are Dealing with a Boundary Bulldozer
Best Self Boundary: Communicate the consequences of not adhering or respecting a boundary.
Once you’ve set a boundary, it’s important to stand up for yourself if it’s crossed. This may mean saying “no” or walking away from a situation. It’s important to remember that you have a right to set boundaries and that you don’t owe it to others to repeatedly explain or get them to agree with it.
Conflict 5: You are a Yes (Wo)/Man
Best Self Boundary: Say: “Let me Think About It and Get Back to You”
Saying “no” can be one of the most difficult things to do, but it’s an important part of setting boundaries. If you find yourself constantly saying “yes” when you really want to say “no,” it may be helpful to practice saying “no” in other areas of your life before setting a boundary with someone else.
If you find it difficult to set boundaries on your own, seek support from friends or family members who will respect your decisions.
Finally, if you want to get support through our intentional community so you can effectively show up in relationships while simultaneously showing up for yourself. Join us in our Intentional Love Journey starting December 1st. Here’s the link here to find out more: https://mokshaliving.kartra.com/page/LoveILP
Psychotherapy alleviates symptoms of emotional distress (such as anxiety or depression). As a holistic psychotherapist and a life coach, I use life coaching and psychology to help you be more intentional in your personal habits and relationships so you can evolve through obstacles and enhance fulfillment.