How to Stop Dwelling in the Past
6 Steps to Emotionally Move On
At the end of the year, we reflect on what we want to leave behind. However, keeping the memories and reminders of the past out of your mind feels like a constant effort.
So, I am gong to make the emotional part of moving on simple so you can start the next year with a fresh start!
Whether it was a hurtful situation or the loss of a relationship, the ability to compartmentalize difficulty actually serves us in the short-term, but prevents us from processing our emotions and moving forward in the long run.
Below are some steps that will help you to metabolize past experiences so that you can move forward with grace and freedom.
1. Get a God Box
In order to let go, you have to go through those sticky, negative emotions. I suggest using (or making) a box (aka a “God Box”). Write down the things you want to let go of on small pieces of paper and place them in the box. Make time to take out the papers one or a few at a time. You decide what, how much and how long you spend in reflection, contemplation, meditation or prayer with each item. When the time is up, put the lid on the box and put it away until next time. You can even hold the intention for what is left in the box to be healed and supported by a higher power or your higher self.
I know the idea of sitting with feelings can feel like a scary slippery slope into uncertain and terrifying feelings. So, here’s some ways to steer, ground and put the breaks on scary or negative emotional experiences.
2. Separate Reality from Your Story
The story we are telling ourselves about difficult times is usually worse than the feelings we have about them. So, begin by separating out the facts (what observably happened ) from the interpretations you are making about what happened.
3. Feel with Your Senses not with Your Mind
If you find yourself replaying conversations over and over. Try to ground by staying with awareness of the facts of the situation (what happened, what was said and done), while body scanning. Body scanning allows you to feel and process on a physiological and sensory (somatic) level without dragging yourself through unnecessary emotional turmoil.
4. Write a Love Letter
If you have unresolved feelings of anger, resentment, frustration or hurt in a relationship with whom you can’t (or shouldn’t) talk to about the situation, I encourage you to try using the prompts of the “Love Letter” by Dr. David Gray. I am including the instructions for this below.
5. Forgive Yourself
Letting go is a process of grief. Grief is a process of forgiveness. Forgiveness ultimately comes back to the need to forgive yourself. You don’t just have to forgive yourself for what you did to others. Ultimately, you have to forgive yourself for the things that you allowed others to do to you.
6. Start with Self-Compassion
Even if you didn’t allow it and it wasn’t your fault, you still have to forgive yourself if you feel guilty, ashamed or inadequate because of that situation. Once you start to forgive yourself and metabolize negative emotions, you’ll start to experience more positive emotions. These positive emotions are the prerequisite to being able to experience joy, love and actually being at peace.
I encourage and empower all of you reading to take some time to reflect upon what you intend to let go of. Get your god boxes and do the work to grieve, forgive and love yourself for all you have overcome and been resilient from!
Michell Stanley
Holistic Psychology Therapist and Coach
My mission is to help people use emotional challenges as opportunities for self-growth and evolution. My holistic approach shows people how to get more Balance, Intimacy, and Trust in themselves and in their lives in order to thrive in the present and secure their legacy.
